communal living

Is living in community really worth it?

Lately we've been moving deeper and deeper into community. I joked with a neighbor that really we want to live in a commune, but we don't quite have the guts. And there are many benefits to community: the spiritual growth that comes with having to put up with other people; the lower environmental footprint thanks to shared resources; free babysitting exchanges.

It all sounded great on paper. And so we decided that our close apartment community, where neighbors dropped by freely and sometimes came in without knocking, wasn't quite enough for us, and we've moved to a house--which we're sharing with a friend.

But even though the new arrangement is great in many ways, I'm finding myself mourning what I've lost.

I've lost the close neighbors who I'd grown to love--and even though I used to get frustrated when they constantly stopped by, now I miss them. I've lost the tiny little apartment and all the memories we formed there--and though its smallness drove me crazy at least a hundred times a day, now I miss its cozy setting. And I've lost what little remains of privacy we had there, for now our entire house is shared.

I knew what I was getting into; it's not like I haven't done it before. I lived in a three-bedroom apartment in Romania with ten other people (at highest count); heck, I've hardly ever not had a roommate before. But it's still a challenge, this learning to live with someone new.

There are days when I just wish for solitude and quiet. I wish for nobody turning the tv on but me. I wish for no boxes littering the still-unpacked living room but my own. I wish for extra rooms that I get to use, not share, and I wish for a kitchen that no one else makes a mess in.

But if I had all that, I don't think I would know what to do with it. And I'm grateful, too. I'm grateful to not be alone during the day. I'm grateful for somebody who cleans the kitchen after I cook, or vice versa. And I'm grateful to know that combined, we're using a little less of the resources that any of us would be using alone.

And really, isn't privacy a little overrated?